i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
