She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
