i permit you to call me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
