Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
