You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
