my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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