I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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