My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
