the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
