My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Drake has all the answers
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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