If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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