why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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