the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
