Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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