First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
