why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
