I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
