how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
