My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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