handjob tips. give me some.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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