I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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