it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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