The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
