Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
