2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
someone owes me an orgasm
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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