i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
