i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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