So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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