I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
