considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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