never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
