ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
