Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
