GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
cat food counts as protein by the way
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
