i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The adults are the big ones right?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
