apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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