Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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