she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
