you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
