I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
