My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Randomize
