Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
