That's when you crack a 10am beer
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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