I'm really into asian looking animals
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
