I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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