My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
