bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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