didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
