Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
