That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
