Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
