I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
